my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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