Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
