her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
