i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
