Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
