You're my little dorito
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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