my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
