you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
