for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
