we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I FOUND THE LEGS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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