I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I understand Curling. That high.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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