I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
