im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
