summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
