Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
