At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will be naked everywhere
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
