You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
