i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
