Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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