I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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