My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
