so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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