Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
