My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
