it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you win again, gameday.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
