Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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