I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
