so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
