there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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