That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize