I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
