Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
