she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
