And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Drake has all the answers
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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