Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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