who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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