can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
