My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
