How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
