This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
