Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
