I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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