Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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