i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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