Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
