I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
