You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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