You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
