on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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