I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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