He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
