I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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