I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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