How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
