I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
