Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
