Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
