my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I want her autograph on my taint
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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