why didn't you poke me back
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
