Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just found a bag of teeth...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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