Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
