I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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