When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
