We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
