Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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