Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
whose parrot is this?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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