Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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