I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
