that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize